


do me a favour

by smallzita



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arguing, Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fights, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Past Abuse, Phil Is A Good Dad AU, Philza Minecraft Loves His Sons Equally AU, References to Depression, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, tommy is struggling man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallzita/pseuds/smallzita
Summary: While in exile, Tommy asks his older brother to do the one thing he'd never do.AKA Tommy starts a fight with Techno that he had no chance of winning, but maybe that was the goal afterall.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 129
Kudos: 1475
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So,,,i started this last monday and then tommy went ahead and left exile and i was like "ok cool i can still salvage this tho" and then techno said he isnt related to SBI in the dream smp and went OK COOL I CAN STILL SALVAGE THIS so,,,,yeah. Thats why we got two chapters now, cus i need to finish chapter 2 and i dont want this to be too irrelevant.
> 
> ANYWAY! This is my first fic for dream smp so please be nice, comments are appreciated.

“What did you just say?!”

Techno is kneeling over Tommy, his hands balled up on the tattered remains of his shirt collar-there was a green bandana there before, an obnoxious thing his brother had refused to take off during all of their time in Pogtopia and even during the war that now seemed to have simply faded out of existence. Had it been there when Techno came to visit the first time, or was that one of the many things he had failed to notice about his brother back then?-as he uses the leverage to lift the boy a few inches off the dirt beneath him. Tommy gives Techno the look he's more than used to seeing by now, a mix of hatred and defiance that follows the older man wherever he goes, but there is something different about it this time, something that looks an awful lot like grief.

He’s not even trying to reach Technos now long forgotten sword that is sitting dejectedly at their side, nor does he squirm or yell. He just keeps staring, and that might make this whole ordeal a billion times worse.

Techno shakes him. “What the fuck did you just say, Tommy?!” He screams, only for his brother to scoff and look away, something akin to defeat on the way his body sags.

“You heard me.” He says, voice tired as he finally starts trying to squirm away only for Techno to hold him still, the shock still coursing through his veins as he stared the boy down.

_ Techno was done, he wasn’t going to sit around and get insulted by a child who could simply not understand his reasoning. He turned his back to Tommy, prepping to make the track back home when he heard a sword being unsheathed. _

_ He didn’t think, his body moving before he had a change to . _

_ And in a blink he was on the floor, Tommy’s flimsy wooden sword that wouldn’t have been able to even dent Technos armor thrown a good few feet away from them as Techno knelt on top of him, his sword pressed firmly against his throat as a low snarl tore through Techno. He wouldn't have struck down, not when he knew Tommy was in his last life and not when Phil had already lost a son not too long ago. _

_ But that didn’t stop Tommy from closing his eyes and leaning into the blade. He opened his mouth and the world seemed to stop turning as he rasped out- _

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Techno asks, incredulous. He lets go of Tommy, watching as he falls back against the grass without so much as an attempt to hold himself up. Techno on the other hand scrambles back so he can stand up. “You-you want me to-what the  _ fuck _ , Tommy?!”

_ “Go ahead, you know you owe me this.” _

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Can you stop pretending you give a single shit about me?!” Tommy yells, sitting up and crossing his arms in front of his chest. He shoots Techno an accusatory look. “You have tried to kill me before, what’s the difference now?!”

Techno swallows past the lump in his throat, unsure of the answer himself. “Phil-”

“Phil doesn’t care either!” Tommy cuts in, and once again Techno hears it, that grief, the longing hidden under the anger. “It’s been weeks and he's only visited me once to-to mock and pity me! He doesn’t give a shit! He chose to stay cooped up in the cold with you for days rather than spend a single second at my goddamn-” He cuts himself off, shaking his head firmly, and when he looks up at Techno again his eyes are glistening. “So trust me, it doesn’t fucking matter. Just kill me and get this over with.

Techno opens and closes his mouth in disbelief, locking his eyes on the broken shell of his brother. That couldn’t be true right? Sure, he hadn’t visited until Ghostbur called him over earlier that day, but that was because Tommy hadn’t wanted him to; and it’s not like Phil is  _ always  _ with him...right? He’s been helping him set up and get back on his feet, sure, but there was no way Techno could be taking all of their dad’s time.

He tried to think back to a moment where he was completely alone during the past few weeks, but nothing came to mind.

“Why?” Techno asks, slowly as if he can taste the bitterness of the word.To a stranger his voice would seem perfectly detached and uncaring, but there was a slight tremor hidden within it. Tommy scoffs and shakes his head.

“Does it even matter? It’s not like anyone would even notice or-or care about it.” He says, staring down at his knees dejectedly. When he speaks again his voice comes out as low as a mumble, but Techno still hears it loud and clear. “Everyone knows that the wrong brother died during the war, anyways.”

For a few moments Techno is quiet, his mouth opening and closing as shock coursed through him like electricity. “Don’t say that.”

“Well, it’s fucking true, isn’t it?” Tommy explodes balling his hands into fists at his side. He sounds so  _ sure  _ of what he's saying, like he has given this a lot of thought over the last few months. “If you knew killing me would bring Wilbur back you would do it in a heartbeat, and so would dad and everyone else!”

Once again Techno is struck wordless, feeling something burn on the back of his eyes as he gazes at the broken form of his brother. He misses Wilbur every day, and he knows that Phil does too, the translucent shell that wears his face not being able to replace the hole his brother’s death left behind; and while the positive attitude could be refreshing and pleasant for some it was a far cry from what Wil once was, and it often makes him feel like his twin is now a stranger who only wears a familiar face. Techno knows he and his dad would do pretty much anything to bring Wilbur back, but would killing Tommy be one of those things?

He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t like not knowing.

Suddenly a counter argument pops into his mind, and he has to stop himself from breathing a sigh of relief. “No, that’s not true. You know Tubbo would-”

“Tubbo?!” Tommy cries, moving to stand up with an enraged look on his face. Tears appear at the corner of his eyes and Techno realizes that maybe bringing up the guy who exiled him wasn’t quite the check mate he thought it was. “Tubbo kicked me out! He put me in this fucking island to rot and not once, not a single time he has bothered to even visit me! Practically no one has unless they are here to mock or-or to pity me and I’m fucking tired of it!”

Techno watches as his brother starts to break, his anger melting away and leaving only sadness and a sick sort of desperation in its place. Tears start streaming freely down his face and Techno can’t help but wish Phil was here to help him figure out what to say or do, however Tommy didn’t seem to notice his brother’s internal conflict, barreling through without a care.

“Because every morning I get to wake up all alone with water filling my lungs and I-I just know that one day I won’t be strong enough to pull my head over the water before breathing it in, so  _ please _ .” Tommy sobs, his hands coming up to grab at his own hair desperately. He looks up at Techno, his face red, and snotty, and way more wounded than it had any right to be and he begs. “Please Technoblade, please kill me before I drown all on my own. Please have the decency to let me die with someone, just fucking do what I ask of you for  _ once _ so I can pretend that at least  _ someone  _ gives a shit about me. You don’t have to bury me or grief but please I don’t want to be alone, I  _ can’t _ -”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Techno runs in and wraps his arm around him, pulling his brother into a tight hug; he doesn’t remember the last time they hugged each other, and he's half expecting to be shoved away but instead Tommy leans into it, sobs tearing through him so hard he shakes with every single one. Techno pulls him close, not caring that his cape gets wet with tears and that he has to support Tommy when his knees buckle beneath him.

“I just want to go home.” He sobs, his words muffled by Techno’s clothes. “Please, I just-I’m so tired, why can't I go home?"

"You can't go home if you're dead, Tommy." Techno states, leaving no room for arguments.

"Wilbur could…" Tommy argues anyway. Techno goes stiff and pulls away, grabbing Tommy by the shoulders and staring at him. 

"No, Tommy, listen to me." He says, trying to look Tommy in his eyes but being unable to when he refuses to meet his gaze. "You don't want to end up like Wil, ok?" 

"Why not?" He asked, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. He looked so small in Techno's grip despite being taller than him and that was enough to make something inside Techno break. "At least he's fucking happy."

Techno's frown deepens, and he can't help but look down at his brother with concern in his eyes. “Tommy, Wilbur is not happy.” He tries once again to catch Tommy's gaze. “Look at me, Wilbur is barely  _ Wilbur _ anymore, he's just a-a shell. The only reason he looks 'happy' is because he can't remember all the shit he did before he died, he can’t comprehend anything that doesn’t fit his narrative. I mean, how can you be happy if you can't even understand the world around you?!"

_ "I don't like this game."  _ Was all Ghostbur had to say when they started fighting, Techno held a sword to their baby brother's throat, ready to strike, and the ghost's solution was to turn his back and ignore it all. Tommy's life had been resting at Technos hands at that very moment and his brother could hardly even comprehend it, much less stop it. He had gone to collect his "blue", sure that it would help but not sticking around to see if it actually would.

He hadn't come back yet, and Techno wondered if the whole scene was just too much for him and he had wiped it clean out of his mind. What would have happened if Tommy had actually died? Would Wilbur even be capable of alerting someone or would he just repress the sight until their brother's corpse had rotted into the earth?

Techno let out a long sigh, giving Tommy a pitiful look before helping him up. He might come to regret his decision later, but he refuses to leave Tommy alone to follow in Wilbur's footsteps. 

“Right, go grab your shit.” He tells Tommy, nodding towards the boy’s tent. “We are going, c’mon.”

Tommy blinks, looking confused. “Wha-Where?” He asks and Techno feels himself age.

“The Arctic Empire, moron. I’m not letting you stay in this shithole, alright?” He says, strapping his axe to his belt. When Tommy shows no indication of moving Techno gives him an insistent look. “C’mon, you, me and Phil, Ghostbur can come too. I needed to make dad a room anyway so you can help with that before we get to work on yours. You gotta make yourself useful some-”

“I-I can’t, I don’t think I’m allowed.” Tommy tells him, making Techno stop in his tracks. He’s about to tell Tommy to stop being an idiot when he continues. “Besides I...I really don’t want to upset my friend.”

Techno can’t help but roll his eyes, sure Tommy’s loyalty is admirable but it’s also incredibly stupid. “Didn’t you just go on a rant about how Tubbo-”

“No, not Tubbo.” Tommy tells him, frowning. “Dream.”

Techno freezes at the words, eyes widening as he looks Tommy up and down for any indication that he might be lying. He finds none but that can’t be right, if anyone knows how much of a prick Dream is it’s Tommy. “You can’t be serious.” He deadpans, too shocked to say anything else. Tommy offers him a shy shrug.

“I-I know how it sounds but...but he’s the only person that visits me everyday.” He says, and Techno can’t tell if he feels anger, disappointment or annoyance bumbling inside him, maybe its all three. “And he gave me his trident, and we talk, and-”

“Tommy, you actually  _ can’t  _ be serious.” Tommy interrupts, shooting his brother an incredulous look. “It’s Dream we are talking about here, ok? His only friend is himself, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone else, not George, not Snapnap, and definitely not you.”

Tommy straightens up, balling his fists at his sides once more. “Yeah, well-he’s here! And he cares!” He says, and the certainty in his voice leaves a bitter taste in Techno’s mouth. “He visited me more than you have-more than everyone combined so, yeah, I’m pretty fucking sure he’s my friend Techno.”

A sigh escapes Techno and he rubs his temples to will away the headache he feels approaching, of course nothing could be simple when Tommy was involved.”Right, right of course.” He grumbles, running a hand down his face before turning back to his brother. “He’s your friend who just so happened to get you exiled and away from everyone you care about, and y’know, he makes you want to kill yourself and let’s you walk around looking like someone’s corpse after a creeper explosion. Great friendships you got yourself, Theseus.”

“Stop calling me that!” Tommy yells, but doesn’t try to refute any of Techno’s arguments, something painful clouding his eyes. Techno sighs and puts a hand on the boy’s shoulder, only for it to be shrugged off.

“Use your head, Tommy.” Techno says but it sounds more like a plea. “He isolated you from everyone else and now he suddenly decided to be all buddy-buddy with you? Doesn’t that sound just a least somewhat suspicious to you?” Tommy doesn’t respond, his eyes glued on the ground beneath him. Techno doesn’t even try to make him look up, instead shifting his gaze to the horizon and watching as the sun slowly set on the island, casting an orange hue to everything it touches. “It’s getting late and I need to start heading home alright? I got things to take care of but I’ll be back in a day or two to check up on you. You can decide what you want to do then.”

“I’m not moving in with a traitor.” Tommy tells him, but he doesn’t sound as sure as he might have a few months back. Techno only shrugs with a small sigh, knowing damn well that he couldn’t change his brother’s mind at this point.

“I always made my intentions clear, I never lied to you, or Tubbo, or anyone else about what I wanted or what I planned to do to get it.” He told Tommy, shooting him a final look before turning to leave. “Ask yourself if your ‘friend’ does the same.”

Tommy doesn’t say anything and Techno doesn’t expect him to, he just hopes, deeply and truly hopes, that for once his brother will listen to reason.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so the love in the last chapter really blew me away so thank you so much for that!!! Also the fic will now have a few more chapters than originally planned, if everything goes well there will be four chapters but maybe there will only be three, or maybe there will be an extra one for extra....stuff. Anyways! Thanks for the support and i hope yall enjoy

“Tommy,” Dream says, his voice strained and arms crossed in front of his chestplate. “You know the rules.”

Tommy balls his hands into fists at his sides and snarls. Usually at this point he would have already handed his armour and weapons to Dream without questioning it, just glad for whatever company he could get. But now…

Now Technoblade’s words were echoing in his mind.

Of course, of course that pink prick had to come over and ruin  _ everything _ like always did and then disappear all over again so he wouldn't have to deal with the damage. He couldn’t do the only thing Tommy needed him to but he could just waltz over and make him rethink the only friendship he had left. And the worst part of it was that he had made a whole lot of sense when doing so; Dream didn’t care, he may say he’s Tommy’s friend, but friends shouldn't act like this, friends shouldn’t be cruel.

Friends shouldn’t have their axe at the ready the second one refuses to obey meaningless orders.

“No, no-Dream, why? Why do I have to do that?!” He asks, exasperated. He is begging, he realizes as much, but the desperation of proving Techno wrong, of having a single friend left in this cold dark world was too much for him to even pretend to care. “We-We are friends! Please, friends they don’t-they don’t do this to each other!”   


Dream wilds his axe with one hand and takes a step towards Tommy, who can’t help but instinctively take several steps back. “Listen here, either you give me your stuff,” He explains, voice low and dangerous and Tommy can’t help the terrified look that dawns on his face. “Or I can pry it off your corpse myself. Your pick.”

Tommy sucks in a breath, hands quickly moving to unstrap his armour off of himself, but before he can get them to stop shaking long enough for him to untie the straps keeping it together an arrow flies past him and barely misses Dream’s skull, landing on the tree next to him with a dull thud. He quickly turns around, shock apparent on his features as spots two figures claided in light blue an white standing a few feet away, one of them is Techno who is holding his sword firmly at his side, and next to him, with a bow in hand and an arrow pointed at Dream is a familiar figure.

“D-Dad?” Tommy asks, confused and too stunned to move. Philza doesn't stammer, his hands gripping the bow so tightly Tommy is surprised it doesn't splinter, his gaze rests on Dream and Dream alone, it's unmoving and unforgiving in a way that makes the boy feel like he had somehow gotten himself in trouble.

"Step the fuck away from my son, you green arsehole." He says, voice strained and carefully evened but the hatred burning in his eyes doing a good enough job of being intimidating. Tommy had never seen him like this before, not even when he got into fights as a kid and came back home covered in bruises and wounds, and it made a shiver go down his spine.

If Dream felt the same however he didn't show it, instead he snorted and cocked his head, a sign that he was smiling underneath the painted grin on his mask. "Hey, Phil! God, it's been a while hasn't it?" He greets, as if he's talking to an old friend. Dream looks around for a bit when Phil doesn't answer. "What are you two doing around here?"

"Just out for a morning walk." Techno says, pulling up his own crossbow and pointing it at the man. "And he  _ said _ move."

"Oh you live around here then? That's good to know." He replies, sounding cocky. It reminds Tommy of when Dream knows he's hiding something from him and pushes until the boy eventually breaks. "But you don't have to be so aggressive, Phil, I'm not going anywhere near Techn-Oh." He stops himself, looking between a tense Tommy and the other two. " _ Oh _ , you mean Tommy! Sorry, sorry I forgot he was your son, honestly thought that maybe you had too."

Tommy can't help the way his face scrunches up at that, arms coming to hug himself tightly. He had expressed this sort of concern to Dream before, the fear that Phil had just up and forgotten him just like Ghostbur had in the last few days, but to hear it said back to him was worse than anything he could imagine. 

When Phil takes a threatening step forward, Tommy can't help but take a step back towards Dream. He doesn't understand the flash of hurt that briefly flickers in his father's eyes, but he understands even less when he snarls. "I won't repeat myself. Get the fuck away from Tommy before the next arrow goes between your eyes."

A hand lands on the aforementioned boy's shoulder and he can't help but jump from the contact. He doesn't move away from it though, even if the hand's grip is tight and unrelenting it's the first contact he has gotten since Techno came over and he refuses to lose it so soon just because of a silly little thing such as fear. "See, I'm not entirely sure he would want that." Dream says, sounding unconcerned and overly friendly in a way that is more than familiar to Tommy at this point. The grip in his shoulder tightens ever so slightly. "Would you, Tommy?"

"I-I don't-" He stammers out, looking around the group unsure. He shouldn't want to leave; he likes Dream, Dream is his best friend, the only person who cares about him at all anymore, he has his camp here and...and Technoblade is bad, he killed Tubbo, he destroyed his home. His  _ home _ , if Tommy leaves now would he ever be allowed to go back? 

The answer should be obvious, and yet all he can rasp out is a single question, one that has been burning on the back of his mind for way longer than he's about to admit. "Why didn't you come visit me?" 

His words seem to take Phil back and he slowly lowers his bow, something guilty and soft slowly taking over his features, features that Tommy can't quite see due to the tears starting to blur his vision. Dreams grip doesn't loosen and Tommy finds himself feeling grateful for that, aware that without it he'd probably be a sobbing mess already.

"Oh, Tommy…" Phil says, taking another step closer before stopping in his tracks feeling unsure. He sounds so careful, like he's speaking to a child and Tommy faintly acknowledges that he might look like one right now, he's sure acting like it with all the crying. "I wanted to, I really did."

"If you had really wanted to you would have come." Dream says coldly, pulling Tommy back with him. Techno's crossbow is still aimed at him but he sounds just as confident as ever. "I did. Anyone could have come."

“I couldn’t bring myself to!” Phil admits with a shout, making Tommy’s eyes widen. The man sags before shaking his head with a dejected sigh. “After L’Manbur, after-after  _ Wilbur  _ I couldn’t bring myself to face you.”

“Were you ashamed of me?” Tommy asks quietly, wringing his hands anxiously, this time it was Phil’s eyes that widened. “For letting him get that bad?”

“What? No, no Tommy, that wasn't-I was ashamed of  _ me. _ ” He says, taking another step closer to Tommy, only for Dream to pull him back. “I was supposed to be there for you, all of you, but I wasn’t, and when I finally got here I only managed to make things worse.” He sighs, voice trembling ever so slightly. “Wilbur is dead, you and Techno are exiled and not talking to one another apparently and I just-I assumed I was the last person you’d want to see.”

“Maybe you were! But you didn’t even let me decide that!” Tommy cries, feeling tears stream down his face.”You just left me when I needed you the most just like everyone else!”   


“And I’m sorry.” Phil is quick to say, desperation and guilt lacing his words as he gazes at the broken shell of his son. “I’ll never forgive myself for that, but please, if you come back home with us I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you.”

Tommy opens his mouth, trying to figure out an answer that doesn’t come. He hiccups and presses his palms against his eyes to stop any more tears from flowing out, his head is throbbing and he can’t help but feel like a child, scared and confused, with absolutely no clue of what to do. Dream, however, snorts, taking his silence as an answer. 

“Well, there we go.” He says, smug. Tommy can practically hear the smile behind the mask. “I think it’s time for both of you to get going now.”

“Tommy…” Techno says, sounding more soft and careful than Tommy had ever heard him and that was enough to make him whimper. He looks up at him and Phil, only to find odd looks in their faces.

“We can’t force him to leave, Techno.” Phil tells him, giving his youngest a pitiful look. 

“And Dream can’t force him to stay!” Techno argues, only for Dream to click his tongue.

“I’m not trying to force him to do anything, I’m his  _ friend _ .” He says, sounding almost offended by Techno’s words. “You are the ones he wants to go.”

For a few seconds there is silence, Techno stares down Dream fiercely who refuses to falter for even a second, while Phil shoots his youngest son a pleading, almost desperate look. A part of Tommy wants to run over to them, he wants Phil to cradle him in his arms like he did when he was a toddler, or for Techno to ruffle his hair and tease him like he did when he was a kid, or for Wilbur to be there and look at him and  _ see  _ him, actually see him like he did before the explosion. He wants his family, his home, he wants so much.

But he doesn’t move, the weight of Dream’s hand on his shoulder keeping him rooted where he stands while the compass in his pocket drags him down to earth like a handful of stones drag a drowning man to the bottom of the ocean. Going with his family would mean losing hope, losing his chances of going home, and losing his best friend, whether that is Tubbo or Dream at this point is anyone’s guess.

So Tommy stays still and watches as Phil’s body sags, as he pulls Techno away even as he continues to stare down Dream with hatred in his eyes, as the two of them, the last bridges Tommy had left to burn, walk off until he can no longer see them. He stays still as Dream moves his hand from his shoulder and hums apprehensively, staring over to the same spot Tommy’s gaze has been transfixed on for what feels like an eternity now.

“Huh, I really thought they were going to be more insistent. Guess they had better things to do.” He says, shrugging and Tommy can’t help the way he flinches from the words as if they were blows. He can’t speak past the lump on his throat so Tommy only nods, the fog in his mind too strong to keep him from focusing on anything other than Dream’s words and the hollow aching in his chest. “But that’s okay, so do we. Were were we, again? Oh right, you were going to stop this pointless rebellion and give me your armour.”

And Tommy does..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit short but if you did enjoy this chapter please consider commenting bc it really makes my day, also one of the people who has kept me most motivated when writing this fic is @Peperuze on twitter who is an amazing but underrated artist in this fandom so please consider checking them out and giving them a follow!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took a while and sorry that it's a bit rushed, my mom got into a pretty gnarly accident a few days ago and between the anxiety, the waiting for surgery, and the taking care of her I really didn't have the time nor the headspace to write. Still, writing this has been a lot of fun and it was a very good distraction when i needed it.
> 
> Also for all the people asking me not to delete the fic if a betrayel happens, dont worry, I'm just extremely dramatic and didnt think enough people would read this fic to care about that comment but *wow* you guys showed me otherwise so thank you for caring!

Ghostbur finds the cabin by accident.

He’s just wandering around, has been for a while now really, when the snow storm picks up so hard he has little choice but to look for shelter before his entire being melts like candle wax underneath a flame. So finding an unfamiliar house hidden in the depths of the tundra seems to be a blessing and he doesn’t hesitate to knock, his excitement not even attempted to be contained as the door is thrown open and a blade is shoved on his chest.

“Phil!” He says, excitedly, throwing himself through the sword so he can try to hug his father. It doesn’t work of course, it never does, and his arms phase right through his father’s torso but he doesn’t let his smile falter. “Hello!”

“Ghostbur…” Phil greets, eyes wide with confusion and apprehension as he looks his son up and down, there’s another thing barely concealed in his gaze, but Ghostbur decides not to focus on it too hard. His father shakes his head. “You can’t just-You need to be more careful, I could have stabbed you.”   


“You did!” The ghost laughs, looking down at himself where Phil’s sword went through his incorporeal form. He finds it funny that it seems to have gone through the exact place his unhealed gaping stab wound is and has stayed at after his death, but Phil looks a little green like he usually does when Ghostbur talks about the stabbing or when he puts his own arm through the hole so he decides against bringing it up. “Could I be let inside please? I  _ am  _ melting.”

Phil takes one look at his face and immediately steps to the side, ushering Ghostbur inside with a worried look. “God, look at you-of course, of course, get out of the snow.” He says, fretting over him like he's a little kid with a cold. “Techno! Your brother is here.”

“Yes, yes, I heard.” Calls a voice, and soon Techno is making his way downstairs, rubbing his temples. Ghostbur’s smile widens and he waves to the half-piglin who simply raises a hand in return. “Hey Ghost, finally crawled out of whatever hole you were stuck in these last few days, huh?”

Ghostbur frowns, gazing at his brother with confusion in his eyes. There was no hole, no pit or unescapable fate he had to hide from, there was just woods, and leaves, and a voice yelling at him to get lost so he did, and by the time the rain came around he didn’t know where he was or how long it had been just that he was alone, and confused, and he should get back, he  _ had _ to get back, he had promised Tommy-

His memory goes blank for a moment, and then he's in the snow, running through it despite it being knee high and thick and burning through flesh that isn’t even there anymore. But it does nothing to stop him, he can’t let it stop him, he needs to keep moving, he needs…

What does he need? What on earth could be so important?

“Don’t listen to him, son, we just missed you is all. No one in L’manbur seemed to know where you had gone last time I was there.” Phil explains, pulling Wilbur out of his thoughts and into an all familiar smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. A hint of sadness flares in Phil’s eyes that he is quick to mask with a smile of his own. “I bet you were off having your own adventures with-in Logsteadshire.”

_ He’s digging into the ground, the snow burning his fingers, his hands, his arms until he finally reaches something solid, something that doesn’t burn but hurts all the same, something that feels cold, so awfully cold that the very snow pales in comparison. He tries to grab it but he can't, his finger going through it like air and no matter how hard he tries, how hards he wants to hold it close and drag it away from the painful snow he just can't get a hold of it. _

“Logsteadshire is gone.” Ghostbur says, voice sounding as light as ever despite the weight of his words. The room seems to freeze as both living people tense up. “It’s just a big hole now, or-no, it’s just a lot of holes, and-and a pole that leads all the way to the sky. I-I don’t think I like it very much anymore, no, I don’t think I do.”

For a few moments the silence is absolute as Phil and Techno look at him bewildered and shocked. It reminds Ghostbur of snow, of quiet, of screaming, of screaming and begging and crying in a way he didn’t think it to be possible for him to do anymore, of fear taking place of pain, and fear turning into a vow, and a vow turning into determination, into a goal, and why does trying to remember it make his head  _ hurt _ ?!

“A-A pole?” Techno asks, voice shaking around the edges, Phil shoots him a confused look before realization dawns on his face and his eyes widen, his own hand flying to his mouth. “Wil-Ghostbur, this is important so pay attention, was Tommy at Logsteadshire?”

The ghost shakes his head. “No, no he wasn’t there, he was-”

_ He was trying to grab his shoulders, to shake him awake but his hands can’t reach him and no matter how hard he screams he won’t open his eyes, why won’t he open his fucking eyes?! _

“H-He’s asleep.” Ghostbur says, his whole form blinking as he utters the words which is just very silly. Why should he be upset over his brother taking a nap? That never bothered him much before, what was different about this time? “He must have been very tired.”

“...asleep?” Phil asks, voice low and shaky; Techno is already moving but their father seems to be rooted to the ground, his face the picture of horror. Ghostbur nods.

“Y-Yes, right there under the snow.” He says, voice shaking a bit. He smiles but no one else follows suit. “That-That’s quite silly, isn’t it? Why would he fall asleep in the snow?”

“I’ll prepare the horses, Phil go grab some blankets from my bed and see if we have any potions leftover.” Techno commands, grabbing his armor and weapons, as well as the heavy fur cape he had draped over a chair earlier before leaving out the door to get horses. Ghostbur, however, keeps talking even as the others make their way out of the room hes in, his form flickering like a weak flame under a breeze.

“He must be tired, y-yeah, it’s why he wouldn’t wake up when I called him.” He continues, wringing his fingers together as he worries at his lip.”He just-He must have had way too much fun at the party! That’s it!”

“Ghostbur, for the love of-” Phil cries out when he comes back, a bundle of blankets shoved in his bag making it look full. “Look, I know you’re trying to help in your own way, but we need you to stop talking and go find yourself something useful to do while we look for Tommy, ok?”

The phantom blinks in confusion. “Oh, I’m going with you.” He says, brows furrowing when his father stops to stare at him with an odd look in his eyes. “I know where he is.”

Phil makes a face and goes to put a hand on his son's shoulder, only for it to phase right through him. He pulls it back to his chest like he’s been burnt. “Ghost I appreciate that, but it’s snowing like hell outside.” He says, sighing once more. It seems to be becoming quite the trend when people address him. “You’ll melt before we even step foot outside.”

_ Ghostbur doesn’t have many memories of Pogtopia. _

_ He figures that’s for the best, but still he remembers a few things, like braiding Techno’s hair, and farming, and an odd joke here and there, but he hardly ever remembers anything about Tommy. He knows neither of them were happy during their time there, not really, and in this particular memory he vividly watches as his younger brother sits on the edge of his bed, eyes staring off into space with glassy eyes. _

_ “They are all going to leave us, aren’t they?” He asks as Wilbur takes a seat next to him. His alive counterpart softens at that statement, feeling a pang of guilt for some reason his memories don’t allow him to know. “Just like...just like Phil, they are all going to leave us.” _

_ Alivebur sighs and moves closer to Tommy, throwing an arm around his brother’s shoulders and bringing him close to him so that he could rest his head against Wilbur’s duster coat. “They...They might.” He says after a while, whatever confidence he once had evaporating into thin air as he feels his brother runs his fingers across the L’manbur patches embedded on Wilbur’s sleeves. Still, he does his best to give the teenager a confident smile and a nudge. “But hey,” He offers, waiting for Tommy to look up at him before continuing.”I’m not going anywhere, no matter what happens, or who wins this, I’m always going to be there for you.” _

_ Tommy sniffs and rubs his eyes with the back of his hands, before looking up at Wilbur with a small, shaky smile, but that’s not what captures Ghostbur’s attention. No, what really strikes him is the look in his brother’s eyes when he looks up at him, the devotion and admiration in them that he hasn’t seen since his death that shines so brightly that it would make the ghost stammer if he saw it nowadays but that his alive self bat an eye at; and suddenly he realizes why he’s remembering this, why he  _ can  _ remember this, because this moment, this moment while so small and insignificant for Alivebur reminded Ghostbur of the times before, when his brother still looked up and loved him, when he wasn’t fast asleep in the snow, and when he could still help him. _

_ He can still help him. _

“It’s Tommy.” Ghostbur tells his father, like that's the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s worth it.”

Phil gives him a look, opening his mouth to say something before Techno bursts in. “We need to go before the storm picks up, c’mon.”

For a brief moment, Phil glances between the two before sighing and nodding, making his way outside, Ghostbur quick on his heels. The snow burns through his skin as he gets up on the back of his father’s horse and it melts every inch of skin it touches as they ride towards the general direction of Logsteadshed but he doesn’t complain or cry out even as he feels his very soul being torn apart by the harsh storm.

No matter what happens, he won’t leave Tommy’s side again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want an interlude between this chapter and the last or should I go straight to it? Either way if you can guess who will narrate the last chapter you get a single shinny penny.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your patience, this chapter was really hard to write for a lot of reasons and I might end up doing a epilogue at the end in the future bc i really enjoyed writing this but I have a few other projects I'm working on and with uni  
> coming back in a month I'm not sure how much time I'll have :( 
> 
> Also before we get into it I just want to thank everyone for the response this fic had, it's been amazing and I honestly can't think about it too much without getting emotional so truly thank you all for the love.
> 
> WARNING: this chapter is basically just an excuse for me to write about how my depression affects/has affected me so please be mindful for mentions of disassociation, depression and some death and pain idealiaztion. If i missed anything please tell me

Phil isn’t used to a quiet home

As a warrior he was used to foxholes and sleeping to the sounds of fighting, death more often than not lulling him to nightmare filled sleep until he woke up already mid battle; when he settled down he found the boys, and while their routine of crying, and fighting, and screaming, and playing was a welcomed contrast to the horrors he had experienced over his life it was loud enough to make a soldier sleepless and a new father so so tired. And even when his children left him to search for adventures of their own there was no silence, as his choice to spread his wings literally and figuratively kept him traveling from busy town center to another, marvelling in a world he thought his sons were experiencing as well.

None of that is a bad thing, but it most certainly didn’t prepare him for his current situation.

When they found Tommy barefoot and passed out in the snow, bruises from the frostbite mixing with burn marks and wounds that none of them are quite sure where they came from ( _ except they do, of course they do, and Phil wonders if Techno inherited the voices from him because suddenly his whole head is screaming and demanding blood, and justice, and death to that green fucking bastard that dared hurt his boy _ ) all staining paper white skin from a boy that looked far too young and far too old at the same time, Techno had informed them that their main concern was weather or not he would make it through the night, or weather he’d ever wake up again.

Three days after that, his eldest, with the biggest look of relief he had ever seen, informed the rest of his family that Tommy was awake and responsive.

Phil isn’t so sure that’s true.

He expected screaming, anger, tantrum after tantrum where he and Techno would have to wrestle him into bed every day and force healing potions down his throat every night, he expected fights, and loud arguments that dragged on for hours, and the constant assurance that Tommy was  _ fine _ , perfectly  _ fine _ , thank you very much, a speech Phil was more than used to hearing whenever Tommy got the flu back home. But instead the boy was quiet, resigned, he took what was given to him without a word and didn’t leave the small room they had carved out for him in the basement no matter what; sometimes, when Phil walked in with food and water in hand, he caught the boy’s shoulders dropping ever so slightly, his face blanking even further, as if he was hoping he had been forgotten in his room, left to waste away out of sight. Phil would try to stay with him, wait for him to finish his plate, then wait some more, trying to coax a conversation out of him but he was always met with silence and eventually the guilt would be enough for him to leave. He knew the other boys were struggling too, Ghostbur could only stay with Tommy for short periods before the reality of his situation hit and the ghost would go spiraling into an almost maniac state of repression, while Techno was attempting to annoy his brother into talking most days, demand it on others, all while the regret was slowly and visibly eating away at him.

It takes a week before Phil finally hears his son speak again.

He is hanging around on the cabin’s ground floor, back hunched as he sits nursing a now cold mug of tea in his hands, he watches through the windows as the late afternoon sun slowly sets on the horizon, basking the home with an orange and pink glow that didn’t feel the faintest bit warm. The stillness that had enraptured the home had gotten somehow even worse now that both Techno and Ghostbur were off trying to find anything in the wreckage of Logstershead that could get a reaction out of their brother-the same brother that is now fast asleep in the basement as he often is nowadays-the boys had left early in the morning and throughout the day a small bubble of worry started to form in Phil’s chest until it felt like it was choking him; a bubble that finally pops when he hears screaming from below him.

Phil moves as fast as his legs allow him to, not even registering when his mug falls to the ground and shatters into a million pieces. He doesn’t even bother climbing down the stairs to the basement, the charred remains of his wings helping him do a unstable glide to the bottom floor where Tommy is, his eyes are closed and his face is scrunched up as he grips the red covers on his bed close to his chest.

“No...No, please.” The boy mumbles in his sleep, tears rolling down his cheeks lazily. He pulls on the sheets hard enough for Phil to worry they’ll tear and it’s with great concern that he notices that they are stained with sweat. “I won’t-I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry Dream, please don’t-”

“Tommy…” Phil calls softly before climbing onto the bed by the boy’s side, there are purple splotches stained into the covers where Phil assumes Ghostbur usually sits. Tommy doesn’t open his eyes, small pitiful cries spilling from his lips even as Phil puts a hand on his shoulder to try and steer him awake. “Tommy, it’s okay, you’re safe-”

“I’ll be better, I swear! I’ll-no, no please, not again!” He sobs and Phil pulls him into an embrace before he can stop himself. There's a sharp gasps and suddenly Phil feels fists hitting his chest as Tommy tries to push himself away.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me, you're okay.” He tells the boy softly, trying not to let his voice show just how shaken up he is by the whole ordeal. He rubs circles on Tommy's back and feels as he starts to calm down in his grip even if his sobs worsen. “No one can hurt you here.”

Phil rests his chin on the top of Tommy’s head, mumbling soft words of comfort to the boy as he continues to cry, tears and snot starting to stain the fabric of Phil’s shirt but neither of them seemed to care in the slightest about it. For a few moments they just stay seated like that, Tommy shaking on his father’s arms as both of them try to gather their breath.

“Do you...Do you want to tell me about it?” Phil asks cautiously after he feels like enough time has passed, only for Tommy to shake his head, making his father sigh. “Toms, you’re gonna have to talk about it eventually.”

“Why?” Tommy asks, voice muffled by his father’s shirt.

“ _ Why _ ?! Tommy we can’t help you if you don’t tell us how.” Phil says, shaking his head as he pats his son’s back, trying to put him at ease. “If you bottle it up it will just-just kill you from the inside out.”

“Maybe it should…” Tommy mumbles under his breath, so low that Phil wishes he just misheard it.

“Don’t say that-”

“Well, it’s  _ true _ !” Tommy shouts, pushing himself off of Phil. His eyes are red rimmed and filled with tears, his hair and clothes are covered in sweat and he looks angry in a way that’s almost relieving, because finally  _ finally  _ there is something in his eyes other than emptiness. “I wanted to die when I got Ghostbur to get Techno to come over, hell, I wanted to fucking die two days into exile! And then-then for the first time I tried to run off, for the first time I was able to pull myself together and tell myself that I wasn’t going to be some stupid puppet anymore, only to go and die in the fucking woods!”

Phil sighs, trying to ignore the worry climbing up his throat like bile. “You didn’t die, Tommy.”

“Then why does it fucking feel like I did?!” The boy screams, hatred and grief plastered on his face for a moment before his demeanor crumbles once more and he puts his head on his hands, shoulders shaking as silent sobs wrack through his body. Phil moves to hug his son, but the second his hand touches Tommy's shoulder he flinches so hard he almost falls off the bed, and the man moves his hand back as if he had been burned by the contact. 

"Maybe it was a sign, y'know? That I almost died when trying to get away." Tommy says quietly, after a few terribly long and awkward moments. "Maybe I wasn't meant to survive…"

"But we found you." Phil insists, voice cracking a bit in a way he quickly tries to hide. He's almost begging at this point, desperate for Tommy to even look at him. "Ghostbur found you against all odds, I was here visiting Techno against all odds, Techno had been brewing healing potions against all odds. Aren't those signs too?"

Tommy makes a choked out noise but doesn't answer, his hands still blocking his face from view and Phil has to stop himself from crying alongside his son. 

Phil was very afraid Tommy was going to die when they first found him, the only reason they even did was because Ghostbur was able to see his withering soul flickering beneath the snow, and even when they saved him, even after he woke up, Phil couldn't shake away the dread taking over him. What if they couldn't fix him? What if the loud, stubborn and remarkable boy he had raised hadn't survived the snow, the bombs, the exile, none of it? 

"I don't...I don't really believe in signs anymore, actually." Phil says after a bit, folding his hands on his lap to keep himself from reaching out to Tommy. "I used to when I was younger but one day, a long time ago, I had to go into town to grab some supplies; nothing too important, the house wasn’t out of food or anything like that but I just didn’t want us to run out anytime soon.”

“Now, it was raining like hell that day, and your brothers  _ hated _ the rain-Techno especially-and I always hated leaving them alone in the rain or the dark, y’know? Just terrified a mob would jump out when i wasn’t looking their way, but they were starting to learn to fight properly so I told myself they would be fine and headed out. I fucking forgot my hat too, which meant I arrived in town absolutely soaked, and cold, and fucking annoyed out of my mind.” Besides him, he hears Tommy groans as he, undoubtedly, starts to recognize the story his father is telling. Phil can’t help the small smile that starts to form at the corner of his lips. “And to make matters worse, when I finally buy what I wanted to buy and turn to leave, I find this little shithead with his hand in my basket stealing my shit! So I ask him what in the fuck he thinks he’s doing and he pulls out the smallest knife I had ever seen and says…”

“Dad, please.” Tommy groans again, making Phil snort.

“Nope, pretty sure that wasn’t it.” He tells the boy, shaking his head despite his annoyance. “Try again.”

Tommy sighs and finally looks up at Phil, only to roll his eyes. “I said ‘Mind your business, old man, or I’ll stab the shit out of you.’” He quotes, some amusement shining through his voice despite how hard he was trying to not let it show. “And to be fair, I did fucking stab you.”

“You definitely did.” Phil says nodding, a smile that is not far from proud on his face. He subconsciously rubs the small scar he has in the back of his hand, a permanent reminder of their first encounter. “And here’s the thing, I don’t know much about signs, but I’m pretty sure that being threatened by a six year-old, then getting stabbed by the same six year old is a pretty bad one and it surely doesn’t translate to ‘hey you should adopt this little bastard’ but I did anyways, and now-”

“Now I’m a fuck up.” Tommy states bitterly, staring at his hands with a dejected look in his eyes. “I bet you’re really proud of me now.”

Phil nods. “I am actually.” He says firmly, only to receive a humorless snort in return. “I’m serious, I don’t think I could be any prouder really.”

“Stop, don’t-” Tommy shakes his head vehemently, balling his hands into fists. “I got exiled!”

“So did Techno. So did I.” Phil says simply, shrugging when Tommy looks up at him with confusion in his face. “I went back to L’manbur while you slept to grab some things-just to bring my stuff over and make my stay here more permanent, really-and the cabinet was not too happy with that.”

That is an understatement of course, there had been arguments and yelling and threats of violence if he even dared to step foot in L’manbur again; Phil had to shove all he could in a bag and flee his house before Quackity managed to shoot him where he stood. But Tommy didn’t need to know about that, or about the things he had called Tubbo when he put his swords against the boy’s throat.

Instead of looking relieved, Tommy’s face falls. “You lost your home to stay with me?”

Phil simply frowns. “What? No.” He says softly, putting one hand over the boy’s fist. He doesn’t flinch this time. “I came home to stay with you.”

Tommy’s eyes well up with tears and he presses his palms against them, small sniffles escaping him every so often. The boy jumps slightly when Phil puts an arm around his shoulders, but instead of moving away from the contact he leans further into it, resting his head against his dad’s shoulder.

Phil never cared about L’manbur, he doesn’t have the same kind of fascination for it that his children have. He stayed because it was Wilbur’s final resting place, the place his spirit still hung around even after death, the place his only grandchild was born in and raised, the place his youngest son lived and died and fought for with his every breath; he made it his home because it mattered to them but now with Ghostbur staying with his brothers, his and Fundy’s relationship being as rocky as ever and Tommy exiled and in distress the thought of staying hadn’t even crossed his mind.

Techno was right, Phil thinks bitterly as he remembers the sigh of Tubbo in that god awful suit-such a good kid, such a good friend, and for what?-Governments only served to corrupt good people, to make them turn on each other.

“...You know what the worst part is?” Tommy says eventually, his voice awfully quiet. “I...I think I miss Dream, and-and Logstershead. Especially the bits that hurt.”

“How so?” Phil asks, trying to keep his tone as even as he possibly can so he won’t freak his son out despite how scared and unsettled the words make him. He slowly starts to card his fingers through the boy’s hair like he did when he was a child, feeling as he relaxes besides him

Tommy shrugs, but Phil knows him well enough to know that he’s just trying to gather his thoughts so he just stays quiet and waits for him to talk. “I just-it’s like I’m empty? Like there’s just nothing, no-” He sighs, running his hand down his face. He looks so very tired, and Phil can’t help but envelop him with the charred remains of his wing. “It feels like there’s this-this fucking wall between me and my body, like it’s not mine anymore and I’m just watching it walk around and no matter how hard I try I can’t feel  _ anything _ ; most days breathing feels like it’s too much fucking work, and all food tates the same, and I can’t get out of this stupid fucking bed no matter how hard, and-”

He hiccups, shaking his head as if trying to get rid of the dark thoughts he’s been having. There are a few seconds of silence where he slowly tries to even out his breathing and stop himself from spiralling further and Phil let’s him gather himself alone, too afraid that if he says anything the tears he has been so carefully keeping at bay will spill and he’ll make Tommy shut himself off once more.

“When I was in Logstershead at least I felt angry and sad.” The boy says eventually, staring down at his hands as if they are an entirely different entity to him. “And when Dream hur-when I got hurt at least I felt  _ pain _ and I could be sure that I was alive, but now I just-ow!” Tommy cries out when his dad pinches his arm hard. “What the fuck was that for?!”

“You’re in pain.” Phil shrugs, trying his best to sound smug despite how wobbly his smile is. He gets an eyeroll in return which he is quick to point at. “And you’re annoyed at me! Have you ever seen your brother in pain and annoyed since he died? No, so there’s your proof that you’re alive.”

Tommy snorts and shakes his head. “Thanks but...I don’t think it’s that easy, dad.”

And Phil knows that, of course he does. He has held Techno as the voices screamed in his ear and comforted Wilbur through every heartbreak and desilusion, none of it had ever been easy, nor had it been easy to kill his own child and wonder for days on end if he would have to bury another, but he had survived it and he would make it his sole goal to make Tommy survive too.

“I don’t expect it to be.” Phil tells him softly, nudging Tommy closer using his wing. It’s such a comfort to have him there, cuddling up to his side after they have been separated for so long, after  _ Phil _ hasn't been there for him for so long. "But I'm still going to be here to pinch you when you need it."

Tommy snorts and rolls his eyes but doesn’t try to argue or dispute with what was said, instead he yawns and blinks sluggish, rubbing his eyes lazily. Phil smiles down at him adoringly and ruffles the boy's hair, a pleased laugh escaping him when he tries to bat his hand away.

“Go back to sleep, mate, you’re still recovering.” He tells him softly. “I will be here when you wake up, promise.”

For a moment it seems like Tommy will try to fight him on that but he doesn’t, instead the boy gives Phil a small nod and moves ever so slightly so that his head is resting on his dad’s chest. Phil simply watches as slowly his son’s breathing starts to even out, not fighting when his own eyelids get heavy too.

When he wakes up, unsure if it’s simply minutes or hours later, it’s to a concerned Techno calling out his name. Ghostbur is the first one to head down to Tommy’s room after Phil calls out to them, his fingers gently carding through Tommy’s hair as the boy begins to wake up as well, and he smiles when he sees his younger brother look up at him more alert and present than he has been in days; Techno doesn’t smile, but his eyes soften at the sight of the boy and after a lot of stammering and awkwardness he presses something into the boy’s hand, trying to sound dismissive at the gesture but the way he anxiously keeps glancing at Tommy betrays him.

It’s a green gemstone, similar to the one dangling from Phil’s and to the one Ghostbur carries in a chain around his neck, it’s chipped on the edge, covered by a fine layer of soot and a crack is going through it but the words “ _ Friendship Emerald”  _ are still readable beneath it all. Tommys fingers tighten against it and his eyes fill with tears, he smiles down at it and calls Techno a sentimental pussy.

Between the laughter and the noises of indignation, Phil feels a spark of hope start in his chest.

Maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter and this fic! If you did enjoy it please consider leaving a kudos or a comment or consider following me on tumblr and twitter (@thesmallestzita and @smallzita1respectively)!!! Also holy shit s3 is going to be fucking amazing i cant wait

**Author's Note:**

> Technoblade is going to kill tommy in cannon and im going to have to delete this fucking fic arent i
> 
> Edit: ....okay so technically-


End file.
